Monday, October 17, 2005

The Life I lead...

So we've all been pretty depressed over the whole break-up thing... Daniel has been sad and locking himself in his room... Chas has been sad and mopey... I've been sad even though I knew that it was ultimately the best thing for me. But today something has shifted...

Chas and I have never had what one might call a "conventional" relationship. From the very beginning we have been able to date others as we see fit... it was only when we started this triad that things became more exclusive which lent itself to problems for me when it became apparent that I was the one who was ending up largely on the outside looking in. I knew for awhile that I probably just needed to take the pressure off... go out and date and be my own person... but Chas wasn't OK with that, and I understood. He wanted this triad to work, as did I, but since it wasn't working for me, I was the one who needed to stand up and say so. So... things seemed to be ending for all of us.

Today, however, a new plan. Actually an old plan that I had awhile ago but now it is being listened to with new ears. Chas and Daniel can keep what they have. (I had no desire to break them up just because it wasn't working for me...) but now I am freed to do what I want. I don't have to find my romantic outlet in a person who isn't in a place to give it to me. I can find it where the universe leads me.

So while Chas and Daniel will remain together and exclusive... I will keep my relationship with Chas the way it was before. Basically I can date now, which let me tell you makes a world of difference for me.

Perhaps without the pressure things can be allowed to progress (or not) between Daniel and I. What's nice is that there will no longer be a need in me to make it work at all costs. If it happens it happens. If not... well, then at least I don't have to feel trapped in a space in which my needs aren't being addressed. Today it all seems very positive. We shall see where this new plan leads us...

5 comments:

nullzeit said...

i'm glad he came around to you plan. however the moon is getting all of the credit for this plan. "you should complain".
i'm glad thing will be working out. i'm really looking forward to not having the awkwardness between us anymore:)

faerywolf said...

Me too. I really like having you around. I'm hopeful that this new arrangement will be positive for all of us. :)

lonespiritwolf2 said...

Hi hun, I'm sorry you've had to go through all that, but I'm really happy that you all have come to an understanding that sounds like it will be for the happiness of all of you.
HUGS to all of you!

mousemessenger said...

Wow... Endless admiration and props to all 3 of you. Sustaining an intense, intimate relationship with *one* person is difficult enough, at least for me! Sounds like you're going to make things work. Love, strength and hugs to you all!

polychromatic22 said...

That sounds completely workable. Just remember that that's the plan for *now*. One of the biggest plusses of polyamory is that you have already decided to rewrite the rules somewhat, so don't leave that behind and forget that you can rewrite the rules anytime. I mean, basically, remain flexible, remain respectable, to not just your mates, but yourself also.
Relationships evolve, as do people, leave room for that.
It totally sounds like you get that, though.
It's so awesome to know that you and Chas have remained such a dynamic wonderful duo for all this time.