Monday, November 30, 2009
And if you could comment back here when you are done, that would be awesome.
And tell a friend! ;)
Thank you so much!
**EDIT: I now see that the couple of nice reviews that were recently left have now gone missing. :( Thank you for posting a review, if you did one, but it is now gone. I'm left thinking that perhaps Yelp is not as real or transparent as they claim. :(
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
I'm not usually into Ms. Rand, as she tends to be invoked fiercely by the conservative right... but I agree wholeheartedly with the above statement.
Really, Maine... if you wanted so desperately to be like California why couldn't you have just voted for social programs that you have no way to pay for? ;)
Rise up... do magic... share your anger, and your love... until equality is a reality, speak up... be visible, go against the grain.
And remember to have a good time doing it.
Monday, November 02, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
by Storm Faerywolf
Daring took me hand in hand
Evening fell as did my heart
Veil lifted, oh such splendor!
Imagination has not prepared me
Never have I felt this way before.
He looks deep within my eyes and soul
Underneath the dancing stars
Night has claimed our hearts as one
Together now within our kiss
Everything has led me to this place
Rapturous love, I welcome you.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Women of Song
©2009 Storm Faerywolf
There is a meadow down below
where women sing a velvet tune
and dance within the golden sun
and praise Diana of the moon.
With lilting voices raised up high
into the open azure sky
a prayer is made on wings of song
To keep the covenant to which we all belong.
Verdant grass beneath their feet
How soft! How lush! How earthen sweet.
Greets their prayers with upward blade
And here it is their living bed is made.
Priestess! Lover! Harlot! Teacher!
You who hold the space of honor’s kiss
Unveil thy mystery! I am, behold:
Seduced by terror, seduced by holy bliss.
Friday, July 31, 2009
"All Muslim's, when they die, expect to see the face of God. Sufis are not that patient."
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Friday, July 03, 2009
Chas set up this altar for his mom the day after she died. Some flowers, a glass of water, a white candle, some lavender flowers in some Florida water, her wedding album from her second marriage turned to a page with pictures of her with Chas, her eyeglasses, and a dish of her favorite treat: Rocky Road ice cream.
Blessed be, Patt. You are missed.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I think I'm still in a bit of denial about it. I mean, my talker knows she's gone; I was with her when she died; I watched it happen, but I think my fetch isn't ready to believe it yet. I keep expecting to hear that there was some mistake and that she's ready to come home now and we're terribly sorry for the mix-up and that will be $500 sign on the line below. But that's not going to happen. I know that. It's just weird.
Chas and I will be moving into her room. It makes sense, since it's the master bedroom and has an attached bathroom with a shower and a separate tub. It even has a walk-in closet. It's a great room and will be much cooler during the summers since it is downstairs. But it will need to be cleansed... sage, salt, Florida water... and it will need to be painted. It needs to be transformed first. We're not going to rush it, but Chas, my practical Taurus, has plans and I think it's helping him deal with what's going on. He's really strong... but I can tell there's stuff going on underneath. If you look close you can see it. It's comforting to see it, actually.
When my grandmother died in 2001 I was a basket-case. I cried off and on for probably a month or more. She was a 2nd mother to me. She helped to raise me; living with us when I was young, it was her who fixed my breakfasts and packed my lunches for school. She was the first person who I was really close to who passed away. It hit me hard.
This is so very different. If you take into consideration that she was my mother-in-law then I think you get about half the picture. There was contention, of course; she had dementia and was often argumentative, especially with me. After several years of caring for her every basic need I found myself becoming frustrated. I began to wonder if I had bitten-off more than I could proverbially chew. But I would return to my ideals sooner or later and remind myself of why I was here and that would often make things better for me. What happened was that on the inside she was less family to me and more of a client; someone to whom I was employed to perform a specific service. Or so I thought. Now that she's gone I find that that wasn't entirely true. She was more family that I had allowed myself to know. And frustrating or not, I'd put on a smile and try to hide my frustrations from her. I often was successful. But not always.
We'd argue occasionally. I'm not proud to admit that, but it's true. It would start innocently enough; she would want to do something that she was obviously not able to do, such as drive a car, or leave the house unattended. I would begin by trying simply to assist her in whatever she wanted, but when that was obviously not going to work for her then I would try to explain the situation in the hopes that a calm rational argument would restore her sense of reality, but each and every time this happened I would realize somewhere during the exchange that it was futile and that I had fallen back into a pattern that was obviously not working. I was the crazy one; I knew better and yet I would find myself doing it anyway. The experience was rather like waking up in the middle of a conversation. My eyes would open and the full truth would slowly dawn on me like waves. "Oh, shit... How'd I get here again?" But by then it was too late. She was upset and I was upset. She'd become cold and non-responsive and I'd leave her to her television, or her paper, or her meal, or whatever it was that she was involved in before the whole thing took place.
In the end, though, it would always work out. I suppose it was a gift to me from the universe that her short-term memory was like a sieve. We'd talk about something else and all would be well. For awhile.
Though her sense of balance was often impaired she would attempt to get up and walk by herself, which necessitated her having a belt that prevented her from standing up from her wheelchair on her own. We realized this was necessary after she had lived here for 2 days and she presumably forgot that she was to ask for assistance and when I was upstairs in the bathroom she stood up and tried to walk across the room. She fell and hit her head on the stone fireplace. I heard the sound and ran to find her on the floor, gasping and slowly writhing there. There was so much blood. I called 911 and they came and took her away for a few days. She returned with no memory of the incident which I always thought was a double-edged sword. That was 6 years ago. It doesn't seem all that long ago, really...
During the first couple of years she would ask us when she was going home. Every day and night. "You are home," we would say. "You live here now."
"But I don't stay here," she would often respond. "When does someone come to take me home?"
We didn't know then that we should have just played along. "Oh, the roads are closed because of fog," we should have said, "It's probably best if you just stay the night and we can take you home tomorrow." But we were clueless. Kaiser did nothing to prepare us for the enormous task we were taking on. We had to learn on the job. Instead we tried to explain; that she lived with us because of her condition, that the brain surgeries had caused a stroke, that her Parkinson's complicated matters, that she could no longer live by herself and so we were here to keep her from being placed in a rest home. All it did was upset her. We learned to change the subject to ice cream after awhile and that seemed to help.
At irregular intervals we attempted to see if we could retire the safety belt, since she later seemed to be more clear-headed. But while she would go for a time with no incident, suddenly she would revert and we'd feel we were back to square one. After many doctor's visits they finally declared that there was nothing more that they could do for her in terms of her overall condition, and that the best that could be done was to keep her safe, and cared for as best we could. And so we did. The best we could. We got her a buzzer so that she could summon us if she needed anything. She either forgot to use it or decided that she "didn't want to bother" us. We got a baby monitor in her room so that if she needed anything at all, all she needed to do was to talk to us and we'd hear. We set-up her bed with just a box-spring and a mattress on the floor, to minimize her potential fall should she get out of bed at night. Luckily for us, she rarely got out of bed at night. In the 6 years we took care of her I can count on one hand how many times that happened. She was a very good sleeper. But I suppose that also lulled us into a false sense of security, making the events of last Sunday morning all the more shocking to us.
Last week while Chas was changing her diaper, she said to him, "Won't it be nice when you don't have to do this anymore?". He relayed the story to me just yesterday, saying that she didn't seem as of she meant that she was going to get better, but that she really meant when she was no longer around. She also didn't seem distressed by this at all. Chas mused that perhaps her soul was getting ready for transition even then. The doctor's told us that likely she had slow bleeding in the brain for sometime which because of the blood-thinners then just opened up and caused her sudden colapse. So perhaps her fetch knew.
The night before she died Chas and I attended a seance at the store, hosted by Medusa, a Feri and Reclaiming witch who works as a medium. Chas almost wasn't able to attend, however, because Patt was in a manic phase and would not stay in the office where she stayed while she was at the store with us. Chas took her home with the intent of returning after putting her to bed in the hopes of being able to attend at least part of the event, which he did. After I had a rather satisfying experience with my deceased grandmother, he came in and sat down and was given an opportunity to call out to one of his dead relatives and he chose Charles, his father, who died when he was in his early teens. Almost immediately Medusa began to moan and shake, as if the presence was overwhelming her, she began taking excitedly and though I was in trance, I began to feel overly anxious, as if the emotional energy in the room had just gone into hyper-drive. She bolted up from her chair and practically wailed as she ran around the room and over to Chas and put her arms around him. "So much emotion," I seem to recall her saying. "So much energy that he wants to give to you."
There was a passing of this energy from his father and to Chas for some time... Medusa later told us that it began to become painful for her, but that Charles keep telling her "Not yet," and so she continued.
When it was over Chas felt that he had a genuine spiritual encounter with his father, and that he had been "charged up" with... something. But for what? It was weird and seemed to have no discernible reason... until about 10 hours later. Then it made perfect sense.
I suppose there's more that I could write about all of this... and likely I will. It seems to help me organize my thoughts and integrate them in a way that is much needed right now... but for now I will end this here with a poem that I wrote several years ago.
In loss, tears flow into a river,
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Because a long-time massage therapist recently left due to an injury, Chas and I find ourselves needing to completly rennovate one of the practitioner rooms in the back. This hasn't been done at least since the '80s; bad pastel wallpaper being the first clue to the decade of its origin. So imagine our surprise when it was torn off the wall to reveal:
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
It's been a long time since I have written. Life as a store owner has been far busier than I could have imagined, though despite the stresses of covering shifts and hiring people whom I hope I can trust, I am still loving every bit of it. We really have transformed that place. We're both really proud of what we have done with it.
In other news, I just got back from Austin, TX where I basically taught a "Feri Boot Camp". The theme was "A Journey into F(a)eri(e)" and was an all day event. We started with the basics: grounding, breath, alignment... then moved into the Iron and Pearl Pentacles, then we began some work with the elements. We do a lot of work with inner temples in our line, so we did trance work there before discussing and invoking the Guardians, the Goddesses, and the Elemental Beasts. (I'm working on an article about working with all three of the Elemental Beings that goes into how they relate to the Three Worlds of folkloric faery. Stay tuned!) after that we did work with our own fetch-beasts and then finally a journey into the faery realm of the underworld in order to work with the Queen and King, and to make a faery contact. A lot of work for one day, but it felt right to do, and it was well recieved.
Day two was for more long term students and focused on the Divine Twins. We connected to them as fear/lust/life-force and aspiration/love/spirit; the red serpent and the blue dove. We experienced them merging within ourselves and becoming the Peacock God, Melek Ta'us. Later we journeyed again into the faery realm to meet the Queen and King again, this time knowing them as a particular manifestation of the Divine Twins, and doing some more personal work with them. Again, I think that it was well received, and that people got something out of it.
And now I am back... at home resting, preparing some materials for next month's Feri Camp, which should be awesome (as always). I'm really looking forward to seeing some old friends again, as well as to make some new ones.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
So... about a month ago a jar of loose change went missing from our house. Kinda weird. We had just used it as a means of therapy for Chas' mom (she was to sort out coins into bowls to help her be able to discern the different ones) so it was out on our breakfast table. One day I was cleaning for an event at our place with some Feri students, so I collected all the change from the bowls and put in in the jar in the center of the table. Kinda cool looking, I thought.
We had our event and all was well. Then maybe a couple weeks later we needed some change for the store. That's fine, we thought, we'll just bring in our change jar... but then it wasn't there. We looked here and there and everywhere, but no jar. Weird. Where could we have put it.
Well, there's another little thing that was kinda eating at me. You see, my friend/roommate Daniel has this boyfriend whom for some reason I just don't trust. From square one I didn't trust him. Don't know why... just a feeling. At a party with some friends of mine I got to hear how at least some of my friends have the same weird feeling about him. Oh well, he keeps to himself and makes Daniel happy. What could be wrong with that?
Then the boyfriend loses his place to live and is suddenly practically living at our place. Ummm.... ok. Not a big deal, I suppose. He's there for several days at a time and then is gone for a couple then returns. A but weird, but we'll deal and see how long it goes on for.
Then I start hearing stories of how he's cheating on Daniel and then lying to him about it... and then only admitting it when confronted with incontrovertible evidence. Great. So we now know he's a liar. He says he'll change but then several weeks go by and it's apparent that he hasn't (kind of hard to keep it on the down-low when you're posting ads on hook-up sites) much to Daniel's dismay. Oh, he'll go to therapy now, he says, so I guess it's all better. Riiiight.
In the meantime it's still bugging me about the change jar. I mean, I know it sounds like it's not a big deal (and I can't imagine it was all that much change when you come down to it) but the jar itself was sentimental, and just the thought of it going missing from my house really bugs the holy frak out of me. The only other people in my house at the time it was downstairs were a couple of Feri people (who weren't ever unattended, mind you) and a couple of friends of mine, one of whom was unattended, but didn't even have a car, so I think lugging a big change jar out of the house unnoticed while I drive them to BART really isn't a likely possibility. Plus I know them, and they just wouldn't do it.
Today I told Daniel that I don't feel comfortable with his boyfriend being in my house unattended. I specifically said that I didn't want to accuse him of stealing because I really don't know where the thing could have gone... but all the signs point to this person, who has already proven themselves to be untrustworthy and who seems to actually get off on doing things and getting caught. Daniel said that if I felt this way then the boyfriend shouldn't come over at all, since I shouldn't feel uncomfortable in my own house, and I thanked him for his understanding.
When I came home from work today I was told that I had an email from the boyfriend to deal with, in which he's stressing to me that he didn't do it, and how he would never do anything like that to disrespect me, because he loves Daniel and by extension he respects those connected to him, and how stupid would it be to take something from our house when he is planning on returning there?
It's almost interesting: You see, I know this type of person. They are the ones who will casually betray your trust and then passionately plead their case saying that you're the one who's mistaken and if you only were to give them another chance then you'd see just how good they really are. I'm not a therapist, but I really think this is a type of Narcissism. It reminds me of the time that I heard through the wall of my old apartment the unmistakable sounds of my friend's boyfriend having sex with another woman while my friend was away for the weekend. (Unmistakable because I pressed my ear to the wall and listened for several minutes... oh, yeah I'm that kind of person). After he was confronted he came to me to say that I was mistaken and that what I actually heard was him talking on the phone with his mother! (Um... ok... what the hell kind of phone call was that and why was she screaming on a speaker phone???) What struck me was that he was so passionate about it that I wanted to believe him. Even though I heard him... definitely heard him, I still wanted to believe his story. Just like I wanted to believe the late Gabriel of BloodRose when he claimed that he never tried to coerce Chas and I into sex with him as part of revealing "the Queer Mysteries" of Feri tradition. The passion of his argument was very moving. Even though I was there and knew that he was nothing but a damaged liar, I still wanted to believe him. That's the power of glamor.
Because that's how Narcissists work. They manipulate and make you feel like you are the crazy one for ever doubting them. Don't trust all the evidence and logic in the world... just trust them. Been there, done that. "What" to the "ever".
Here's the thing... I still really just wish the jar would just show up in some weird place. Yes... I've torn my house apart several times looking for it (so has Chas, and so has Daniel) and so I really can't see that happening... but I still really want to believe his boyfriend. (Does that make me crazy?) But you know what? Even if it shows up I still don't want him in my house. Maybe the universe gave me this scenario so that he wouldn't be here to do something even worse.
Oh, and what of the other stories? My other friend got a phone call from "the other woman" a few weeks later. (I guess it wasn't his mother after all!) And I think those who really paid attention figured out what a liar and perv Gabriel was. Persevere, and it all comes out in the end.
At the end of the day I feel the worst for Daniel. What a difficult position this has put him in. :(
Aaron's Facebook message:
Daniel told me the two of you had a conversation about the jar of change that went missing from your house, and I wanted to send you an e-mail to beg your understanding - I had nothing to do with wherever it went. I would never take anything from anyone without permission, I don't need money that badly and I certainly would never take anything from someone's house when I plan on returning somewhat regularly. I know I probably can't change your opinion, but it's deeply upsetting to know that I'm being accused with this severity - Daniel had vaguely kept me updated with what was going on, but I had no idea it had become this significant. I have always tried to be an excellent guest, I have kept your house clean and not abused everything that is yours, and I promise I have nothing but respect for you, Chas and your house. Please believe when I tell you I am not a thief and I would have hoped any previous behavior in your house would support that.
I love Daniel and by association I respect the things and people he respects. I know you and Chas have been significant in his life and I wouldn't want to hurt you, or attack you in any way, or steal from you, or do anything negative at all.
I'm sorry this has gone down this way. First off, please know that I'm *not* accusing you. In fact I specifically told Daniel that I didn't want to accuse you of it because I have no clue. There is no evidence and I certainly didn't see you do it.
That having been said, the signs *do* make you the prime suspect. Only you and one other person had unsupervised access to it, and the other person is someone whom I have known for years and who didn't even have the physical possibility of taking it as they have no car, and I drove them to BART after their visit. (So I certainly would have noticed them holding a big jar of change.) All the other people who were in my house during the time the jar was downstairs (four, to be exact... Chas and I almost never have guests) were never left unattended and so could not have done it. If it was taken, logic says you are the only person who could have done it.
But even still I don't want to accuse you of it. What I specifically told Daniel was that I am uncomfortable with you being in my house unattended. While this is largely because of this incident it is admittedly only in part. To be honest there is something about you that I haven't trusted from the moment I met you. It was just a feeling, and one that I put aside until hearing about how dishonest you have been with Daniel on more than one occasion. You have already proven yourself to be untrustworthy, and so I feel pretty confidant that not having you in my home is a pretty good call.
I'm sorry if that upsets you. I'm *more* sorry for the position that puts Daniel in because I know that he really likes you and would like to spend time with you. But it's just not going to be able to happen here.
I wish you well, Aaron.
Monday, March 09, 2009
We just received word that one of our part-time employees will be leaving us in a couple of weeks to pursue her jewelry-making business. We are very happy for her and look forward to seeing (and purchasing!) her new designs in the future, but we are also left with some pretty big shoes to fill. So I find myself once again turning to my blog to put out the word that we are hiring.
We are looking for someone who wants to work part-time (like 18 hours per week, part time) and who has knowledge in various areas of spiritual, magical, and occult interest. If you have been to The Mystic Dream, then you know that it has a pretty wide range; Paganism/Witchcraft, Occult, New Age, Buddhism, Hoodoo, Aromatherapy, Feng Shui, Angels, Crystals... to name some of the more popular interests. We have people coming in who will want to know what they need to perform a money spell... a love spell... or how to drive away an enemy. People will want to know how to perform a spiritual cleansing... how to break a curse... how to attract abundance. A potential employee will need to know at least a little bit about crystals, herbs, tarot, astrology, and natural magic... as well as meditation, visualization, and the like.
In addition to the spiritual side of the job, the usual retail mundane details apply: we need someone who will clean and restock shelves, polish jewelry, and generally keep the store looking and operating nicely. Clerks are expected to answer phones, ring-up sales, take appointments for readers, and even clean the kitchen or bathroom as their shift dictates. There are a lot of things to clean in a store like ours, so slow times are generally spent alphabetizing the shelves, or rearranging product.
The current hours that we are offering are a closing shift on Friday nights (5:30pm - 9:30pm) and opening shifts on Saturdays and Sundays (9:30am - 5pm). As the economy gets better we may be able to offer more.
So... if you think that this is the job for you, then please send (or fax) us a resume to the address below and we will schedule an interview. Likewise if you think someone you know would be a good candidate, please pass along this information.
If anyone has any questions about this, please email: email@example.com or leave a message with our staff by calling the number below during business hours.
The Mystic Dream
1437 N Broadway
Walnut Creek, CA 94596
(925) 933-9250 (fax)
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Daemonic Magic: Attuning to your Higher Self
Sunday, March 8
Sunday, March 15
Sunday, March 29
Sunday, April 5, 3-6pm
and repeats: Sunday, April 19, 1-4pm
Normally, $100: This month only: $75
Sunday, April 12
and repeats: Sunday, April 26
Normally $200, this month only: $150
Sunday, April 19
The Magic of Oils
Sunday, May 3
Sunday, May 10
Sunday, May 17
Sunday, May 24
Sunday, May 31
with Chas Bogan, Puck D. Coyote, and Storm Faerywolf
2nd Friday of each month
Donations to help pay for the space will be accepted but are not required.
Every 1st Saturday of the Month
New Time: 5-7pm
Suggested $5 - $10 sliding scale donation.
No one turned away for lack of funds.
The Brotherhood of the Satyr: A Queer Men’s Pagan Circle
4th Saturday of Every Month, beginning March 28
Donations accepted but not required
As always, if you would like to join my email newsletter list, please just send a blank email with "Subscribe" in the subject line to: firstname.lastname@example.org