Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Combat Card Meme

OK... just 'cause everyone else is doing it (and I don't wanna get left out of all the fun!!)  ;)

to fight faerywolf
enter your username below

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Worship the KoK!

This is the funniest thing I've seen all week. Look what came to our PO Box today:

(click image for larger view)

**EDIT: Yes... this is real. It is a church in Pittsburg, CA, not far from where I live.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Oh, the memeage!

And here is another meme! Comment on this post. I will choose seven userpics from your profile and you will explain what they mean and why you are using them. Post this along with your answers in your own journal so others can play along.

I responded to grey_twolf and he asked me to explain the following icons:

 Peacocks: This is from one of my pieces, "The Love of Gods and Men". Drawing form imagery from the Feri tradition, it's about same-sex male love, and pride... things that I'm totally into. ;) I tend to use it when I am talking about something sexy, compassionate, or dealing with my relationships.

 Bluegod: Again with the Feri! The BlueGod is the spirit of eroticism, as well as spiritual enlightenment. As a priest of the BlueGod I tend to scatter his images about me wherever I go. Again, I use this when speaking of things sensual, or spiritually erotic.

 Bloodrose: This is a tip-of-the-hat to that lineage of the Feri tradition in which I was originally trained and initiated. The rose is the Western equivalent of the Lotus, signifying enlightenment, and the continuous unfolding of awareness. The five petals are reminiscent of an inverted pentacle, representing spiritual energies mediated down to the physical. The oroborus surrounds it all, signifying the ever-presence of the Goddess. I usually use this when talking about Feri, especially things specific to my original lineage.

 BlackHeart: In the Feri tradition (are we seeing a theme here?) the term The Black Heart of Innocence  is used to poetically refer to the natural state of the soul, unfettered by outside social restrictions. I use this in Feri posts, especially those centered around freedom, or just when I want to draw particular attention to the post, since it is animated. ;)

 Wonder Woman - Bracelets: She was my original Goddess figure. A spirit of truth, compassion, and non-patriarchal power, I use this when speaking of woman's rights, spirituality in pop-culture, or just when I'm feeling sassy. ;)

 Melek Ta'us: The Peacock Angel, a representation of the Blue God as described in Middle Eastern myth. This particular image I based on Paul B. Rucker's piece of the same name. Again, I use this primarily for Feri related posts.

 Bluerose: A reworking of Bloodrose (see above) and used to represent posts that have to do with my unique lineage of Feri also called Bluerose. In various myths, the blue rose is a symbol of that which is just beyond our reach... a spiritual goal that exists not in the physical, but perhaps in the otherworld. It feels very Faery to me.

News that should have come on Coming Out Day...

I'm sure I can't be the first to post this, but...

I'm in ur Hogwartz...

...teaching ur children tolerance.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

[Sex Filter] 1st Post

Awhile back I announced that I was going to start a sex filter in which I would talk about... well... sex, really. Specifically the sex that either I'm having... or want to be having.

And then I did nothing with it.

Well, I decided that needs to change. My intention is to make this filter unsafe for work (!), so anything of that nature will be behind a cut... so if you DO NOT want to be on this filter, then send me a note to and let me know and I'll take you off right away.

This is heavily filtered.

This post begins at BTW last month. While there I met someone and fell madly in love. What a minute, you ask... isn't this about sex? Yes... we're getting to that. But first... background...

I was attracted to him immediately but since every time I saw him he was busy I kept my flirting to a minimum and then went on my way. Truth be told there were a few others at the event that I also found attractive (some distractingly so!) and since no one really acted on anything I chalked it all up to friendly flirtation but, sadly, that no one was interested and I would just have to put up with people telling me that they loved my writing and my art but that I would get no play. It's all good.

Oh, I'll admit it... I was rather hopeful that being out in the woods with 90 gay pagan men that I might get some sacred sex out of the deal, but I certainly wasn't expecting it. Or at least I tried not to. When it became apparent to me that either people weren't interested, or (as I was told by a couple folks) that those who were interested were actually intimidated by me because of my perceived status as a public witchcraft teacher (I suffer from the big fish/small pond syndrome, apparently) I just decided to relax and put it all behind me... have a few too many glasses of good wine... and enjoy the ride.

Friday night there was a ritual dance... Komos, in which Dionysus was invoked and the spirit of orgiastic revelry ensued. Wearing my finest leather pants, I enjoyed sights of cute boys in jockstraps, and hunky guys wearing everything else from Renaissance wear, to leather fetish gear. Needless to say, it was my type of party.

Then I saw him. Behind the counter looking my way. We made eye contact, smiled, and I made a beeline for him. Now believe it or not, I'm usually shy when it comes to this sort of thing. If I like someone, then I'm usually much more on the quiet side. Unless I have my "way in". I had been casually flirting with him for a few days, and I guess that (and the couple glasses of mead I had downed just minutes earlier) did the trick because within a few minutes he and I were making out, hot and heavy, and I was in bliss. Each timer I came up from air I was legitimately surprised to find that there were other people in the room... as the whole world fell away with every kiss. I knew that this was much more than just a sexual attraction for me, but I didn't think about it because I was 2000 miles away from home... in a magickal space... charged with erotic energy... and so how could I expect that whatever connection I thought I was feeling be returned?

I was a bit sluttier than I would probably like to admit at that party, but I have it on good authority that I was not alone. I was told that blowjobs were being traded amongst the crowd, but I honestly never saw any of that (dammit!) because I was too far engaged in my own sexual fantasy come true, in which I was taken behind the counter where we continued making out... just a little heavier that we had done in full view of everyone. My head swimming with alcohol, and sexual frenzy, he and I made our way to his camp, where we proceeded to take things to the next level.

This is where the story really begins, at least in terms of a sex filter. He was am amazing kisser... I mean incredible. And looking into his eyes was an experience in transcendence all in itself. But naked, pressed against him, I found myself in a space that was at once primal, spiritually engaged, and heart-centered; a state that I honestly can't recall ever having experienced before. That night it has started to rain a bit, and while we panted and writhed together I recall flashes of lightning exploding overhead... it was as if nature were making love with us.

Whatever shields I might normally have up during a first encounter were not there. I felt my heart pouring into his, and vice versa... which really just made the sex all the hotter. I don't know how long we spent there... touching each other's bodies... tasting each other's skin... though it was cold (he didn't have a tent but one of those Element truck things... the back with a hard cover but open at the end) and the breeze would wash over us from time to time, we were covered in sweat. Eventually we were covered in each other's seed, as well... and usually this is the time in which I say, "shower time, honey!" this time it just felt so good to draw him close to me, our slick skin pressed together, and spend untold time kissing him and praising the Gods who brought him to me. Holding each other we fell asleep, and the first thing we saw in the morning was each other... smiling those goofy grins that you have when you have just fallen in love, and all is right in the world because of it.

For the next couple of days we managed to spend as much time together as possible, some of it clothed, thankfully some of it not. And I was glad to find that the incredible sex of our first night together was not a fluke... no blurring of perception because of alcohol... no trick of the light... each time a celebration of primal love, culminated in the merging of not only our bodies, but of our hearts and our spirits. Probably sounding a bit cliché, but there ya go.

When we left each other, saying our tearful goodbyes, we admitted to each other that we were not good at the regular communication thing. So we agreed to keep in "irregular communication" with each other. So far that has meant a message or an often lengthy call every day. I had no intention of starting up a long distance relationship. (I usually think that they are rather absurd)... but then again maybe I am absurd, so maybe that makes it all OK. He's moving from Ohio to Missouri in a week or so (13 hours closer to the West coast, as he put it) and he's coming out to stay with me for a week next month. I'm excited about him getting to meet Chas, since that's a necessity in my book. And then we'll take it form there. Both of us are definitely sprung on each other. My 14 years experience with polyamory has taught me that all loves are different... but I was not prepared for this one. He engages me on every level that I can think of... we are alike in many ways... and different enough to make sure that it will not likely get stale any time soon. I feel very blessed to have so much love in my life... and very fortunate that some of the hottest sex I have ever had in my life has decided to come along with it. I love my life...

In other news someone at BTW mentioned to me that a Prince Albert piercing never completely closes up... so I tested it out today and learned that's true! I took my jewelry out 4 1/2 years ago and was missing it lately... today I am happy to report that there is now a nice (if small) circular barbell through the end of my cock. Yay!

OK... so yeah this had sex stuff in it, but i guess it was more about relationships, and stuff. I promise next time I'll talk about something more dirty. Any ideas? ;)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Feri Camp Retrospect

I'm back from Feri Death Camp, and while it was a wonderful experience it almost killed me.

Well, sorta.

My first day there I tripped and twisted my ankle. It was very painful and it swelled up for a couple of days. I spent a lot of time hobbling around and being offered various pain killing concoctions, some of which in hindsight I should have taken, if nothing else but for their street value. ;)

The second full day there I started to get sick. This is in all likelihood because of the mold that was present in one of the rooms in the building that was set aside for the teachers. We decided that we couldn't sleep there, and so closed the door (which you had to walk past to get to the other rooms) and decided to use the other two for the four of us. anaar and I ended up sharing a bed which we decided would be the foundation for a good series of rumors about my sexuality. The second morning there I had completely (and I mean *completely*) lost my voice... barely a whisper could escape my lips. After making Kala my voice returned (if only to a frog-like state) and at least I was able to do my work. I had been stressing about it before then, musing that my voice was the only tool I had to offer; so I guess the Goddess decided to teach me a lesson, and one that I think I learned in full. The classes and meditations that I offered were well received and my voice was certainly nothing like what it normally is, teaching me that I have more than just that tool at my disposal.

My morning path was well attended, far more so than I was prepared for so I had to make some last minute adjustments to the final morning's ritual. But it all worked out. My path was about working with the spirits of the dead. Specifically about connecting to their realm, and then helping them cross over, the final class of which was more of a ritual involving Malek Ta'us and the Middle Eastern myth of how he extinguished the fires of Hell. We journeyed first into our personal hell (as put forward by my husband Chas' article for Witch Eye) and then we descended into the underworld dimension of Hell to help trapped souls cross over from that place. It was heavy work and there were more than a few tears shed, including my own.

The Saturday night ritual really affected me deeply. The only plan was that Karina would do a possession with Ana, and I would be possessed by the Arddu. While possessed, I/Arddu would walk the circle looking at the ritual participants and I got the distinct impression that he was examining them... looking closely not at their bodies, but at their energy fields. Some were taken from the circle and brought before Ana, presumably to hear her counsel. Others the Arddu spoke to directly, mostly about darkness and fear, of which he said were his food, inviting the participants to release it into him so that he was "fed". During all of this he/I began to dance, although I couldn't for the life of me tell you exactly what it was like. I felt exaggerated movements and various degrees of energy, which culminated in him addressing the entire circle, inviting them to release their fears into him. I remember seeing and feeling dark, smoke-like tendrils of power emanating from the participants and into my body (at which point the part of me that was still me uneasily trusted that the Arddu knew what he was doing with all of that power). We then moved over to Ana, who lifted her veil and received all that power into her, first with a breath and then sealed with a kiss. (Which I'm sure will elicit even more speculation about my sexuality!) I then collapsed at her feet, and I think she then addressed the circle. We then moved outward while she spoke and eventually moved into a dance in which the participants were asked to "dance the dance of their own death". Part spiral dance, part ecstatic madness, I remember being in the center of the circle, underneath the black veil and dancing clockwise, looking outward to see the firelight broken by shadowy figures moving counter-clockwise around us. This eventually morphed into a foot stomping, high energy dance that merged into a cone of power which I assume was the moment in which all that pain and fear was released and transformed. I don't know, actually. I was only the co-pilot, and for the most part I was simply relaxing, my feet up on the dashboard,  just letting the Arddu do his thing. I have only done possession with him a few times before, and this was definitely the strongest that I have experienced. It was one of those times that either tells you that magic is real, or that you are quite insane. Or both. Yes... probably both.

Michele (mrj15) hosted the ancestor ritual on Sunday night, which was amazing. While she has a casual style, she really has a command of the room. We called the ancestors to come and join with us and my grandmother came to visit, as did Victor. I thought it might sound a bit cheesy, but I introduced them and my grandmother was very fascinated with whatever Victor was saying. (I later heard that Karina (loveandpower) had a similar experience, so it sort of validated it a bit for me.)

As Michele already reported, she and I upheld the tradition began at the last Feri Camp by staying up all night the final night. We laughed so hard we nearly choked. And we had some intense conversations... about Feri... politics... the world. When we started on Britney and Anna Nicole we knew we had gone to far. It was fun... but also a bit of a horrorshow. ;)

I met so many wonderful and caring witches at this camp, both student's and Initiates. Karina's students were powerful, intelligent, and responsible, definitely a credit to the Craft.

In retrospect, I see that everything was as it should be. My injury and my illness were lessons in my own power, but also in how my ego steps in the way of my work (i.e. My ego was bruised because, dammit, I'm supposed to be a powerful teacher and how can I embody that power when I'm hobbled and froggy?) Definitely Kala fodder. It was a good lesson for me.

In other news, I decided on a name for my particular line of Feri: BlueRose. It's both a tip of the hat to my Bloodrose-derived origins, while moving outward into the realm of my own trance experiences, in which I have seen the blue rose as my own Holy Daemon (God Self). The blue rose is the ever unfolding mystery; the holy grail which we strive ever toward, but is just out of reach. It feels very faery to me.

So I'm home now... rested... but still exhausted because I am sick. Happy to be home, but also hopeful that I will get to see everyone again soon. Point me in the direction of the next camp!