Status Report

Well… it’s been quite a busy time over here lately.

Not only am I compiling the submissions for the upcoming issue of Witch Eye, but we hosted the holiday dinner this year… all this and a sudden upswing in sales and it’s been quite a ride! Luckily we’ve still been able to get some fun time in too, usually in the form of cuddles and Myst 3: Exile, one of the Playstation2 games that I got the household this holiday season, the others being Spyro 2, and the extra super awesome Sonic Super Mega Collection Plus, which contains several old Sonic the Hedgehog games originally written for the old Sega Genesis console. I loved Sonic, although the real reason that I got this game (for Chaschas_bogan, for X-mas) was because of one of the games on it: Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine, a Tetris knock-off which involves an evil menace, some sentient jellybeans, and a whole lot of whoop-ass. Oh yeah… bring it on, baby! Chas and I use to spend HOURS playing that thing back in the day, and were sad when we eventually got rid of our old Sega. Now we can waste that time once more… brightly colored jellybeans floating in my mind… sweet computer-generated bliss.

I got some good things for the holiday this year. Chas got me a few things of note including a hardcover graphic novel with Wonder Woman, Batman, and Superman (“Trinity”), a Dr. Who DVD, and a kick ass door stop that is a couple of feet & legs that stick out from under the door. What makes them so cool is that they are wearing striped socks and sparkling ruby slippers. (We all remember that scene, don’t we?) So funny. Daniel nullzeit got me the three Harry Potter DVDs (yay!), Ryan got us a couple of hilarious books… “Giraffes? Giraffes!”, and “Your Disgusting Head”. Trust me… run out and get them NOW! So awesome. (Thanks, Ryan!) ;)

On a productive note, today I waded through the throngs of receipts accrued in the post-holiday (lack-of) book-keeping madness, as well as got around to filling the last remaining orders we got just before the holiday. My desk, I am happy to report, is now clean and organized. Let’s see how long it lasts!

We’ve been having fun going to Death Guild these past few months. I am grateful to Daniel for having introduced me to this venue as I have met some very interesting people there. As of this last week I have knighted my friend Ryan darthjarjar as my new drinking buddy and we have together discovered the bliss that is vodka and cranberry. (Mmmm… yummy.)

Speaking of Death Guild, I went to the X-mas party they had at DNA Lounge and saw that beautiful Witch Thorn Coyle, yezida (check her out looking sexy on the cover of New Witch Magazine… hubba hubba!) I’m hoping she’ll want to make it out to the regular Death Guild some Monday night as it is a much better venue than DNA. Unfortunately DG will soon not be at its regular venue for a couple of weeks next month… something to do with alcohol, minors, and the loss of a liquor license. Interested parties can check out the Death Guild blog for more info.

All in all things are going quite well. I’m even working on a new art project (finally!). Thank you to Chas and to Daniel for riding my ass about it. (Hey, get your minds out of the gutter, kids… mine wants to float on by…) I love my life right now. I am filled with gratitude and happiness for all of the goodness that I have been experiencing.

Witch Eye: A Call for Submissions

Crossposted to

Have you always wanted to share your creative Feri-centered spirituality with the world but didn’t know how? Well, why not contribute to the longest running Feri zine?

The deadline for Witch Eye #10 is fast approaching (January 1st) and so we’re getting the word out that we are still accepting submissions. The spotlight theme for this next installment is ‘the Gods of Feri’ although material on any Feri-related subject will be gladly appreciated.

What? You’ve never submitted anything before? Well, why not now?

What? You feel you have nothing to contribute? You have been working on that Pride point, haven’t you?

Well?

Here at Witch Eye we feel that everyone has something to contribute because we each have a unique perspective. Initiates, teachers, students, seekers… it doesn’t matter what your ‘connection’ to the Feri tradition is… if you are called to this work and to these Gods then your voice is just as valid as the next. Why not let it be heard?

Got a new spin on traditional material? We’d love to see it! Have you watched a movie that screams Feri to you? Write a review! Got a great recipe for a ritual food? Send it in! Got a story? Whether fact or fiction we’re interested in hearing it. In a tradition in which we all bring something to the work, the possibilities are literally endless.

Send your written materials to: witcheye@feritradition.org or snail mail them to:

Witch Eye
c/o Faerywolf
PO Box 3736
Antioch, CA 94531

(We’re sorry, but submissions to our PO Box are non-returnable, so don’t send us your originals!)

Artists please email us to determine how best to get your work to us.

For more information regarding our submission guidelines please visit: http://www.feritradition.org/witcheye/submissions.htm

If you have any questions then please don’t hesitate to ask! Let’s get those submissions coming!

Website: http://www.feritradition.org/witcheye
Discussion group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WitchEye

QUIZ: Seven Deadly Sins

You scored as Lust. Lust 84% Pride 62% Sloth 34% Gluttony 9% Greed 9% Wrath 6% Envy 0% Seven deadly sins created with QuizFarm.com

QUIZ: Eye on the Storm

Because everyone else seems to be doing it, I made a SILLY QUIZ to see how well people know me. 

You can also Check out the Scoreboard!

A Salty Liberal Shoots Back (Now with Links!)

I was sent this today and thought I'd share it. It's behind a cut-tag for length and expletives. ;)


A Salty Liberal Shoots Back
from http://www.fuckthesouth.com/

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.

Turn Your Back on Bush

I would love to see this happen:
http://www.turnyourbackonbush.org/

Republicans, and Michael Moore

Today I have two little treats for you all.

First, my little story... Because I am a business owner, I received a phone call yesterday from the Republicans (who didn't at first identify who they were) asking me to attend a Presidential black-tie dinner as an "honored guest". I would get to meet Congress people and make my views heard on issues such as taxes, business, and the economy. (What? No environment and civil rights?) I was told that together we could build on the strengths of the last four years. Along with all of that I would get a signed picture of the President and a replica gold-banded gavel... all for only a $500 contribution! Wow! Think of it.

I, of course said (and I quote) "Hell no! I'm just upset that he was elected!"

The caller was audibly shocked and apologized profusely for calling.

Fucking Republicans.

And now...

17 reasons not to slit your wrists
by Michael Moore
11/5/04

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in
the words of Monty Python, 'always look on the bright side of life!' There
IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since
Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults
(Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always
wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the
country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don't approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out.  It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the
Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the
Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do
their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of
our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West
Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water,
all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in
lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any
old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut.
May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will
no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If
you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly
golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married
in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't
have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress,
including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to
have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates
can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3
chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state
legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the
2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53
chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47
chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber
(Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than
the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out --
and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work
that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th
grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the
next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the
ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his
point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very
dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two
scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the
Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear
that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that
history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for
too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and
arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such
major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from
office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting
age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it
means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards
to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of
those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go
home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three
yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are
coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the
candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total
number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore.
Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for
a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time
since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has
always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is
that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact,
that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones
who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November
2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of
surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My
Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a
wonderful country  -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com

Discordian Book Meme

(Stolen from puckdecoyote's journal)




1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal...along with these instructions.

My result:
"This exercise is not only a way to remind yourself of your spiritual practice, but a way to notice that you have a place in the larger world."
Evolutionary Witchcraft
by T. Thorn Coyle

The (R)evolution begins with us...

So what have we learned from all of this?

I learned that my fellow countrypersons are afraid. Afraid of terrorism… afraid of change… but most of all, afraid of each other.

This was a campaign based on fear. The Republicans preached fear from their spin-room-pulpits, doing their very best to convince the public that the biggest threat to America came in the form of ideologies in conflict with their own. And in this they were largely successful.

But the fear wasn’t exclusive to them. Not by a long-shot. The Democrats preached their own form of fear… fear that four more years of this administration could prove to be the undoing of the very fabric of democracy as we know it. I should know, because I agree with this statement.

In the end I think that the public made a decision to not believe that things could possibly be as bad as they are… opting instead to support the candidate who, in his arrogance, at least put forward the one face that they so desperately wanted (needed!) to see: that of power and righteousness. No matter that it’s all just another lie… no matter that it was this administration that instead of protecting us made things even more dangerous… it’s the spin that counts. Why bother actually studying the issues when you can just watch the bling? 

To quote from Chas’ journal (who was actually paraphrasing a quote from Janeane Garofalo) “anyone who voted for Bush suffers from a major character flaw”. That flaw is giving in to fear… perfectly human… and decidedly toxic.

We are living in a country where a sizable chunk of the states have just voted to ban gay marriages. The Republican controlled House and Senate are in a good position to help the Bush administration in his neo-conservative campaign to swing this country even farther to the Right in order to satisfy their own religious and socio-economic agendas. Women’s reproductive rights are now in danger. The victories that the GLBT movements have achieved are likewise in peril. The mechanism of the current government is poised to continue the imperialist ideologies that have led us into the current global situation. Most of the world hates us now... and who can blame them? Who shall we invade next?

All this means is that we have much more work to do.

So what exactly do we do now? We vent. We lick our wounds. And then we re-group. We cannot afford to give in to fear… not anymore. That luxury is beyond us now, for there is far too much at stake. The work that we need to do is certainly going to be harder now… but as Victor Anderson once said, “Anything worthwhile is dangerous”. We need to ask ourselves if the work is worth it.

I say that it is… we need to be vocal. We need to be visible… and we cannot allow ignorance and intolerance to go unchallenged. We need to educate people left and right. We need to write letters to our local newspapers. We need to write to our Congress-people and hold them accountable. But most of all we need to live our lives. Openly and unabashedly. We need to align our Triple Souls and polish our Black Hearts and simply be who we are. Because that is the most important political statement that we can ever make. In the end the politics of the moment give way to the evolution of a culture. It is our job to be conscious participants in that evolution. We must remember that in nature evolution happens only when environmental forces become extreme and inhospitable. This observation more than any other gives me hope that we are in the beginning stages of the evolutionary process.

So, we must remain hopeful and not give in to despair. We must keep our sights on what is important, and remember to pray. For we are a powerful force. And we are not going away.

Goddess Bless America.
Goddess Bless the World.

Signed Prints available at Faerywolf.com

Because of repeated requests (and just plain common sense) I have added a shopping cart to my gallery so that you can now purchase signed prints of my artwork directly from my website via PayPal. The same shopping cart will also work for purchasing copies of Witch Eye, and (soon) for purchases on Carnivalia as well, so that purchases from all three websites can be done in a single transaction.

If you have any questions or concerns about placing an order, or an existing order, please email me at orders@faerywolf.com

Reflections (and some pics!) of my Halloween

We tend to separate our Halloween and Samhain celebrations for a couple of reasons. First, I have always been a supporter of celebrating occult holidays closer to the astrological date, rather than the date according to the fixed calendar. This gives us an opportunity to celebrate the secular Halloween complete with horror movies, blood and candy, as well as our religious Samhain, with ancestor reverence and a dumb supper. We get two holidays for the price of one!

Last night was pretty fun…went to DNA lounge with Chas for their Halloween party and met up with Daniel, Ryan and then later Thom. (I was constantly on the lookout for Thorn Coyle, as she had mentioned that she was going to attend, but I never saw her. We'll have to hang out sometime when you're not so busy being famous, Thorn!) J

The music at DNA was pretty good, although they kept playing chunks of one artist all in a row… a few songs from the Cure, then a few from Siouxie, etc. Would have been better with more variety, but still pretty fun just to groove out and watch the cool people in their costumes dancing and otherwise socializing. (I loved a particular Charlie Chaplin who really knew how to work it, and there was a sexy devil chick that, had I been straight, I would have been all over.) Then the band started playing, and while I enjoyed the beginning of their set (complete with Halloween gross-out songs) I appear to have been alone in that, as most of the group decided to take off early to walk around the City. Actually it was a good move… DNA was getting rather hot and stuffy and it was a perfect night to walk around and get some air. We then decided to make the trip back to our place in Antioch so that we could eat snacks and mainly veg-out together. Again, another good move. I really love hanging out with Daniel and Ryan. They're both so cool. We even got some pics of our Halloween costumes! Danial and Ryan went together as Calvin & Hobbes (note the Hobbes costume that Chas sewed together for him, adorned with duct-tape stripes done by Daniel! And doesn't Daniel just look adorable as Calvin? Yummy!) Chas was a jester (adorned with a hat, a mask, and a puppet, all of his own making) while I was your average Horny Gay Devil. (I know... not much of a stretch for me...)

Click images for larger views.

    

Daniel ended up going home to sleep in his own bed. We crashed pratically the second him and Ryan left, and I slept like a rock… until this morning when I awoke and was reminded that one of my men was missing from my bed. L Oh well… absence makes the heart grow fonder, eh?

Today I am just catching up on housework, so… laundry, bathrooms, vacuuming, grocery shopping. Then maybe some business and art. Oh, and hopefully some good sex thrown in for good measure.

QUIZ: What threat to the Bush administration are you?

Threat rating: High. The Bush administration is
concerned that it may not get a second term.
Therefore, we are going to change the rules so
that each Democrat vote only counts as 0.2
votes because Democrat is a shorter word than
Republican


What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

** EDIT: I'm actually not a Democrat. I'm a registered Green. I'm just doing my part to show the Dems that there are more people on the left that they need to take notice of. LIBERAL AND PROUD! :)

The Holy Grail is Orange Fleece

I had a pretty good day today.

After getting some business stuff taken care of I was able to take a nap and catch up on some of my sleep. Daniel called and I ended up picking him up from work so that we could go in search of components for Ryan’s Halloween costume. We went from store to store in search of orange sweats (which, in case you were wondering, nobody has) and we ended up breaking down and asking Chas to actually make the damned thing, possibly from orange terry-cloth towels. Stay tuned for more info as it develops!

But in all of the adventure, we both had a really nice time… just hanging out having fun. Plus he got some supercute PJ’s out of the deal, so WOO HOO! ;)

Then we went out to dinner for some popcorn shrimp… Mmmm… popcorn shrimp. All in all a very nice evening, so thank you Daniel for the lovely time. J

Now a bath and some reading to round out my day… tomorrow I have Zine stuff to get done.

National Celibacy Day

National Celibacy Day

November 2 - - - NO DICK - NO BUSH

Pass on this info -- your life may depend on it.

Don't forget to VOTE.

J

Errg... arg

Not much sleep...

Went to see The Grudge last night with Chas, Daniel, and Ryan. Pretty good movie... nothing too exciting... a good use of two hours right before Halloween. Not terribly scary, but it did have some good creepy visuals and some scenes that make you go "jump". Plus it had Buffy in it, so how can you go wrong?

Well... it made Daniel jumpy all night. L He couldn't sleep, and when one of my cute boys can't sleep, then neither can I. Soon we were all in the game room watching music videos and hoping that sleep would take us once more. It finally did, but even what we got wasn't restful.

I'll let Daniel tell you of his own dreams... mine was... weird. In my house that somehow wasn't mine... Daniel, Ryan, and some other person, had spent the night and we all got up early (before dawn, so I knew it was a dream!) in order to scrounge breakfast. My mother and late Grandmother were there and we were half-heartedly watching videos on the TV when the task came to me to explain They Might Be Giants to my Grandmother... I mean... what do you say? "They're a band, Grandma... a band who loves science." Um... yeah.

I was awakened by Daniel who had a nightmare… just as he was explaining it to me the alarm went off and he said, “Thank God!” There was such a frantic sense of relief in his voice. I felt so sorry for him. I wish I could have done something. I wanted to protect him. Maybe I’ll buy him a pony. J

I took him to work and we talked about dreams a bit. Hopefully he’ll be able to switch gears and have a good day at work. I know how intense dreams can affect me all day.

As for me… today I am doing major production. A new gallery in Los Angeles recently purchased several of my reproductions for resale and I need to have them done by tomorrow to ship. My largest sale to date! Woo hoo! Does this make me an official processional artist? (Or even an artiste???) Either way I need more of it to come… we need this home business to work so that we can continue to take care of Chas’ mom. I’m trying to think of new items to add to our store, not just our art but also more ‘mainstream’ spiritual stuff… books, and other items… just to “flesh out” the catalogue.

Keeping my fingers crossed…

Bush Relatives for Kerry

Oh, too cool... ;)

Go HERE

Harry Potter Personality Quiz

OK... I rarely do these quizes but this one caught my fancy...


Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

Unamerican?

Music and video:

Back in the day...

Wow... I was going through some stuff the other day and found this old picture of myself from 1993, taken at Golden Gate park... just after Chas and I first got together...

What a difference a day makes...

Well… I took a “mental health day” yesterday, which in my current living and business situation pretty much means that I spent the day doing as little as possible… preferring instead to play video games with Daniel, and listen to music and watch television.

It really was something that I have needed for awhile, although I didn’t know that beforehand. I really was kinda going crazy with some unresolved relationship issues that I had been largely keeping to myself. This was also probably exasperated by the fact that I seem to have made myself sick by a recent descent into self-destructive behavior in the form of smoking clove cigarettes. Now I have a cough and have lost my voice! Oh well… no biggie. I’ll try talking less and listening more. J

It’s funny (in a weird sort of way) but those problems that seemed so huge and crazy-inducing just a few days ago don’t seem all that large now. I’d like to say ‘I’m sorry’ to my boys who had to take a whirl on my Piscean emotional rollercoaster, and also say a big ‘thank you’ for still being willing to ride, even when it’s not such a fun thing to do.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming…

Call to action...

The Sinclair Group is planning on airing an anti-Kerry documentary ("Stolen Honor: Wounds that Never Heal") and billing it as "news," and airing it prime time on each of its 62 stations throughout the country. These stations reach over 28% of the American public and the show is expected  to be timed to air shortly before the election on November 2.

This is a glaring example of the dangers of media consolidation.

If you are outraged, as I am, then please take a moment to send them a message by visiting here:
http://www.commoncause.org/sinclairaction 

THE ULTIMATE SILENCE

THE ULTIMATE SILENCE
October 12, 1998



Six years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being homosexual.

What will you do to end the silence?

Click here to post this on your own page or weblog

Well, if you read chas_bogan's journal then you know that it was a night for strange dreams in my house last night.

Mine was about alien invasion. Supposedly.

I am standing outside of the house that I grew up in, looking at the moon and marveling at how it looks as if there is a tremendous amount of volcanic activity going on. The surface appeared molten and cracked, as if veins of lava were flowing over the exterior. My friend Melissa smoked her cigarette while we debated the cause and then noticed that not only had the moon moved closer, but that we could now see that the glowing orange and crimson effects were the result of some type of Giger-esque technology that completely enveloped the lunar sphere. At one point something that used to be a great crater now was a type of porthole out of which poured what appeared to be numerous sparks, each floating toward the earth before disappearing into obscurity. Our concerns grew when we noticed that some of those “sparks” seemed to take on a life of their own, changing direction and speed at will, after entering the upper atmosphere. The only explaination we could think of was that the earth was being invaded, so I went into my mother’s room to wake her and let her know.

“Oh,” she said with a drowsy tone, and went back to sleep. We all waited to see what would happen next and I woke up.

Weirdness.

A Week in the Life...

So… it’s been an eventful week for me...

Last Sunday, Daniel and I embarked on our trip to Disneyland, an adventure that I had hoped would be a bonding experience for the both of us. I drove like a bat out of hell and made it there in 5 ½ hours! Yay, me! J We listened to a lot of good music that he had gathered specifically for this trip, and also to spoken word by David Sedaris, who if you haven’t yet had the pleasure you should run right out and buy a CD today! Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim and Me Talk Pretty One Day were both real treats! Hilarious!

 

Upon entering the park we were disturbed to find out that the Haunted Mansion was closed for refurbishment, as well as several other attractions. I was peeved as they never mentioned anything of the sort when I booked my trip though Disneyland.com. I was trying to let it all go, but when ride after ride was closed I got pissed and finally complained at their City Hall. Upon returning I see that they do indeed list on their website which attractions are closed at what times, although you need to go searching for it. They don’t make it all that easy for the average customer trying to book a vacation. Kinda jerk-like, if you ask me.

 

But everything else was mostly good. Daniel and I got along quite nicely, with maybe one small exception of snarkiness that was resolved pretty quickly and to my satisfaction. We got to go on a lot of rides… got our picture taken together a couple of times, and saw some good shows. All in all a great trip for the both of us.

 

Things started to get shaky immediately afterwards, however, as certain inconsistencies began to feed insecurity and confusion. I wont go into the details here, but suffice to say that Chas and I were starting to think that perhaps this relationship trinity was not going to work out for us, as we both are quite certain of the direction that our hearts are leading us, and Daniel—being a newcomer to even the idea of a poly relationship—is being far more cautious (something that I think is quite logical given the circumstances, but it still doesn’t feel very good). But whatever… I’m a big boy. I can handle it.

 

After 2 days of crying, not sleeping, and depression, (which included a magically coincidental meeting upon the streets of San Francisco during one of Chas’ and my ultra-rare trips out) we were able to come together to talk things out and have all agreed to work it through and see where it leads us. I am encouraged by his willingness to continue especially since this is such an unconventional situation and that it has already caused him some stress because of it.

 

In order to change our mood, after our talk we decided to go out and see A Dirty Shame, the new movie by John Waters. OMIGODS it was fucking hilarious. Tracy Ullman is great, as is Johnny Knoxville (of Jackass fame) who plays his part perfectly while looking sexy all the while. If you are not a neuter then go and see it and enjoy yourself… and if you are… well, go and see it and learn something. J

 

So, now I am just getting caught up on business stuff… Chas and I are planning a trip out tonight, maybe dancing in the City. I’m looking forward to it. It’s been forever since we’ve gone out dancing just the two of us, especially since we started taking care of his mom, although we have just recently discovered that we can probably go out for a few hours after she goes to bed at night as in the year-and-a-half that we have cared for her she has never gotten up in the middle of the night. So I’ll go and just keep my fingers crossed. It’s not like we’ll be out all night anyway.

 

Moving right along…

I love memes...

Stolen from fattest, who stole it from nadinelet who stole it from nihilistic_kid:


1. Think of a word you would use to describe me.
2. Go to Google Image Search and search for that word.
3. Select the picture you see as most fitting, and post it as a reply.
4. Post this meme in your journal.

Witch Eye: A Zine of Feri Uprising!

 Let’s sing it from the highest mountain… Witch Eye #9 is finally done!

This is a great issue, with some pieces from some regular contributors, as well as from some first timers.

Highlights include an article on scourging in the Craft… the Lead Pentacle of Night Hares… Faeries in Serbian Mythology… Nimüe… A Kala Pipe Ritual… as well as the usual reviews, rants, and humor! (And some really wonderful artwork, too!)

When the rejoicing subsides then just know that you can order your copy today via Visa/MC by visiting our website at www.feritradition.org/witcheye/ or by sending $7 check or money order (payable to Faerywolf) to:

Witch Eye
c/o Faerywolf
PO Box 3736
Antioch, CA 94531

CA residents please add 7.25% sales tax. Shipping in the US is FREE (International customers, please contact us for shipping rates to your country.)

If you have any questions, please feel free to mail me at the above address, or email me at: witcheye@feritradition.org

I need more music...

I find myself wanting more music by the Cocteau Twins, and all I have is Treasure. Any suggestions? How about other stuff that I might like in addition to them?

Blast from the Past...

Chas was going through some of our stuff and found this picture… it’s of me in my Halloween costume from when I was in first grade…

 

I’m on the right. I have no idea who my guest Darth is.

 

Ahh…. Memories…

Life and Art

I find myself quite contented today.

 

My art projects are moving happily along, as is my love life. It’s true that I’ve been feeling a bit of angst here and there about it, which I suppose is normal where falling in love is concerned. Everyone talks about the flowers and butterflies of love… but what of the madness? Falling in love is rather like falling into the abyss… you never quite know what you’re going to get, save for the fact that you’re not in control of any of it.

 

Luckily I am a Pisces and so I am quite content (there’s that word again!) with giving up control and becoming the ‘leaf on the wind’, so to speak. (Or would that be a guppy in the river? Oh, well… these metaphors only take you so far anyway.) Of course that doesn’t stop me from wanting the current to take me to a wonderful place that is safe and secure… so I’ll just hang on and hope for the best. What else can I do?

 

We’re going to Disneyland in 15 days! For two nights! I’m so excited! J I’ll be the only one driving, and I’ve never done the trip on my own before, but between coffee and MapQuest I’m sure I’ll be fine. Plus I’ll have a cute guy by my side so that will make it all the better. I’ll just need to make sure that I pay attention to the road and not his pretty face.

My Recent Work

I have recently done a couple of paintings… my first actual “paint on canvas” pieces, and for first attempts in the medium I’m quite proud of them. In addition to the originals I am offering signed & numbered prints. (Click images below for more info.)

 

The originals measure 16"x20" and are acrylic on canvas.
The prints are on 8.5"x11" heavy-duty photo paper and the images measure about 8"x10".

Comments welcome.

A New Poem

My Fevered Dream
For Daniel

If I could open up my soul
A shining light that blinds the sun
And in my bliss devour you whole
I would, my love
I would.

Do not be afraid of how
For you my black heart burns.
A flame so hot it sears the flesh
A fevered dream
And you the cause and cure.

Beyond the bounds of ego's reign
Beyond all time and sense
Between the worlds we dance and kiss
I am captured
It is useless to resist.

A fly in amber stopped in time
as my heart skips a beat
my soul ensnared within your eyes
A dream...
from which I hope to never wake.

©2004

Bummer

Chas went out dancing tonight with Daniel. He just called a little bit ago and said that our car got broken into... smashed the window and tore through the glove compartment. We really didn't have anything of value in it. Maybe some CDs. I'm surprised that they didn't take the stereo, though. I'm waiting for them to come home now... hopefully it wont be too bad.

The Perfect Date

I got home a couple hours ago from the most perfect evening. Went and picked him up at his work and then back to his place for some quality time that included Buffy the Vampire Slayer video gaming, as well as lots of kissing, cuddling, and other forms of bonding hotness. Then out to grab some food, and then to see Spider-Man 2. We had plenty of alone time in the theatre before the show to talk and laugh and smile, and during the show we held hands, cuddled, and often took time to look into each others eyes... I swear I was beaming the whole night. After I took him home I drove back to my place on cloud 9...

I am very happy right now... A state of bliss inside of which eternity exists.

Disturbing Dream

My night was filled with strange dreams. We were at a big party with many celebrities in attendance. I find myself in a room full of straight people that included Portia DeRossi. Her and I seem to be getting along and I tell her that I prefer her current work on Arrested Development to her older work on Allie McBeal. She's happy about that. Suddenly everyone in the room has decided that they wish to have an orgy. Portia doesn't want to participate in the larger fray, but instead wants to get me secluded in some corner so I can orally gratify her. C'mon, Portia... I'm gay.

"The best ones always are", she says before lifting her cream-colored skirt and attempting to make my face her seat. I see she's wearing an electric blue thong. I chuckle and take my leave.

Out in the main room, the party is in full swing. Banquet and buffet tables overflowing with every sort of culinary delight. Is that Oprah? I make my way over to say hello.

I am intercepted by a slightly overweight, plain-looking man in his late 40's. He tells me that he needs to buy a book for his 12-year-old son and I suggest A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline Lengal. He seems disinterested and makes a rude comment. I decide to confront him and so I chastise him for his rudeness... an event that seems to obligate him to listen to the reasons behind my book-suggestion. We start walking while I tell the tale of A Wrinkle... and before too long I realize that I am outside... in the suburbs... late at night... with this stranger... I continue telling his the story and at some point I look up to realize that I am witnessing a total eclipse of the sun... at midnight. It seems a dark omen... I lose my place in the story and realize that I too am hopelessly lost.

We arrive at his SUV and he offers to drive me back to the party. I get in and we end up driving to his house. It's a huge one in a really nice neighborhood. I'm wondering while I'm there. He says that he has to get something and then he'll drive me back. I look for his address with the intention of calling Chas and having him come and get me... but to no avail... my cell phone is getting no reception... or is it the battery?

We enter his house and he goes onward, presumably to his room and I wait in front of the door. I realize that I am in the house of a strange middle-aged man who is a stranger to me. I'm bothered and am struck with concern for my safety. Maybe he's a serial-killer? A rapist? A Republican? I test the doorknob... still unlocked... anything happens and I make a run for it.

Suddenly a blond woman wearing nothing but a white open robe walks by yawning... her breasts exposed. Before I can look away she sees me and lets out a yelp. I am, after all, a complete stranger in her house late at night. I apologize, and so does she, but I can see that there is something more in her eyes. I am filled with the impression that her husband has done this before and that she has been in the habit of trying to keep that knowledge out of her white suburban consciousness, but instead of calming her that denial has caused her to be bitter and cold behind her veneer of false warmth. A part of her is dead and I feel sorry for her. She wraps her robe around her and makes her way into the kitchen.

The man returns and apparently has had a few words with his wife and is now ready to take me back to the party. With some trepidation, I get into his vehicle and strap in our seatbelts... when he starts the engine the scene changes and we are in his TV room on his couch... still seat belted, and watching a strange scene on the screen... disembodied heads floating in a large vat of clear liquid, all casually talking to each other as if at a fancy cocktail party. There's a b-actress I haven't seen in awhile... and there is one of those strange aliens that reminds me of the Cantina scene in Star Wars. They're all just lazily sharing stock-tips and golf scores... the price of condos, and who's-hot-this-year. The man recognizes the film and says it's a classic work of some obscure director. I start to notice that I am feeling strange... slight visual hallucinations and a fuzzy feeling in my head. Have I been drugged? Then his wife again enters the room, complaining that she can't sleep and that she has a headache. He goes to get her an aspirin, and I say, "I'm sorry you have a headache." to which she replies, "You just won't stop, will you?"

I wake up with a puzzled feeling. The whole psychic vibe was oppressive in a way... foreboding. Lucky for me that feeling didn't translate to the waking world as it often does with me. Good... 'cause life has actually been pretty kickass good lately and I don't want to spoil it for no good reason. I have a date tonight and I'm looking forward to it. :)

My (not so) Secret F(a)eri(e) Page

After discussing it with other initiates, I have decided to make the information and art that was on my secret Feri page, available to the public. Now, all of my non-oathbound Feri materials can be found on one page: HERE.

I had originally wanted it to be a community building tool just for initiates and students of Feri, but have come to realize that there are many, many others who have no such "official" connection and who could possibly benefit from a little more Feri stuff. The many requests that I have received from interested seekers were moving and respectful. There are so many individuals who long for Feri study, but who have no access to an initiate/teacher in their area. Perhaps this little bit of art and lore will be able to tide them over until they can study proper.

Disclaimer: For the Feri-fundamentalists out there I should point out that I have not revealed anything that was oathbound in my line, and I will not do so. But keep in mind that there is actually very little in Feri that is officially secret, and those secrets do not (and will not) appear anywhere in my public work. If you have a problem with something that I have posted, please email me to talk about it. I doubt I will take it down, but I'm always open to the discussion.

How low will they go?

McCain Condems anti-Kerry Ad

Protect your right to view Porn

Do you want Cock or Bush?

A mini Vacation...

Chas and I were finally able to take a day for ourselves recently and go out, just the two of us.

A friend came over to watch Chas' mom and so we were able to go out for a romantic getaway. We decided to drive up to Harbin Hotsprings, spend the day soaking in the pools, and getting massages. It was wonderful! Exactly what we needed. It was like a whole vacation rolled-up into one day. Neither one of us had ever been before, and so we didn't know what to expect. For those of you who don't know about it, it's a clothing optional resort that has several pools of varying tempatures... Three of the pools are for quiet meditation and are naturally heated or cooled. The hot pool they said was 116 degrees... you definitely don't want to stay in there very long, but the water felt great! A slight smell of sulphur (no big deal) indicates that the pools is naturally heated... the cold pool is about 60 degrees... a great place to soak after spending some time in the hot pool... and finally the warm pool... the largest of the three meditative pools... ahhh... bliss. There were a bunch of people soaking, and cuddling together... gay and straight alike. A beautiful threesome of men were there and snuggling together... a white guy, a latino guy, and an asian guy... very nice. The vibe was so free and respectful. It was exactly what we needed.

A huge fig tree hovers over all these pools, shading them (making them perfect places for me to spend time with my Irish-white skin). The water would reflect light up onto the leaves, and would cause me to trance out. I spent some time running the Iron Pentacle and then admiring the sea of hot naked men that were wandering around the wooded paths near the pools. :) There was a time that I had to stay in the pool extra long because I would have embarrassed myself had my lower half rose above the water. ;)

We're hoping to be able to go back sometime soon... I highly recommend it to anyone who can get there... a very relaxing and healing environment with a spiritual atmosphere.

It's why I love Jon too

Note to Tom Brokaw

Website Updated

I have added yet another image to my gallery.

Unfair and Unbalanced

Common Cause and MoveOn.org, among other organizations have launched a campaign to take on Fox for pretending partisan news is "fair and balanced." They have a cool video posted on their site for the new movie Outfoxed:

http://www.moveon.org/fox/

While you're there please take the time to sign the petition to ask the FTC to stop them from using false advertising to promote their partisan spin.

Website updated

I have added an image to my gallery, as well as added a Feri tradition section that has links to the Feri related materials on my website. (They were previously scattered throughout my site.) I will add to this as time goes on.

Do we maybe need more coffee??

I feel the kernel of truth in this one...

Fatigue

Signed prints now available

I am now offering signed prints of some of my work. Please visit my online store to check the current selection and for ordering information. Want something you don't see there? Email me and I'll try to work it out for you!

Support Gay Marriage...

Support equal marriage rights and sign this petition.

  The Senate is scheduled to vote the week of July 12!

Please also take the time to write and/or call your senators and tell them that you oppose writing discrimination into the Constitution. You can send them a message by clicking here.

Stop Bush!!!

We've been talking a lot about politics and about the desperate state that this country is in (and indeed the whole world) thanks to the Bush administration.

We're honestly living in a society that is just a shade away from fascism. With the passing of the PATRIOT act certain fundamental things have changed. No longer are those checks and balances in place that preserve our individual freedoms. The Bush administration has engaged in a systematic pattern of lies, deception, and illegal dealings in order to keep the populace in fear (Did someone say "Terror Alert"?), so that we will willingly give-up our civil-rights. Why would they do this? Because in doing so we make it easier for the administration to profit from their unjust war which, contrary to what CNN is saying, is not suddenly over just because of the much touted 'transfer of power'.

"U.S. occupation officially ends in Iraq" (St. Louis Post Dispatch). How is this anything but a blatant lie, or a statement of extreme ignorance? It is being reported that the transfer of 'sovereignty' (a term which obviously means nothing to the Bush administration, as they so casually violated that sovereignty to begin with) marks the end of the occupation. Don't be fooled, the occupation continues, it's just getting better PR. We are still a military presence in Iraq, after all. We even have certain powers over what the new Iraqi government can and can not do. That sounds pretty occupied to me. Our soldiers are still working and dying over there. And for what? So that Bush and his buddies can set-up a puppet government in order to make more money for his oil company friends. But it's all good 'cause we got rid of Saddam Hussein and he was a bad guy. It doesn't matter if there weren't any weapons of mass destruction… it doesn't matter if we were sold this war on lies. We got the bad guy, and the end justifies the means. Well, that is unacceptable to me.

I went and saw Michael Moore's movie FAHRENHEIT 9/11 on Friday. It's a very powerful film that includes some pretty damning footage of our fake-president and of the evils of the war on Iraq. It pretty much sums up what I have been feeling since the election was stolen in 2000. I encourage everyone to go see it. And then afterwards, if you haven't already, register to vote.

I've also been listening to Al Franken, Janeane Garofalo, and Randy Rhodes on Air America. Great stuff. Check them out if they are on a station near you, and if they're not, then you can listen to them live and streaming on the web via RealPlayer.

I'm hopeful that with these liberal rallying points in place then we can begin to organize and vote Bush out of office. We desperately need to put an end to his administration. There are plenty of problems with the Democratic Party, but I am encouraging others to vote for Kerry. We just can't afford another 4 years of Bush politics.

Politics, Lies, and Videotape

OK... unless you're a Republican or have been living under a rock (two conditions that I think are roughly equal, in my opinion) then surely you have heard of MoveOn.Org, the political organization that has been working towards the removal of the Bush administration. Here's a cute little number that they have on their site. I just love it.
Caught on Video

And here's another great place to go.

Coming out of my cave...

Well it's been almost a month since I've written. I just haven't had the energy lately. Been working on my business stuff and getting that off to a slow start. I guess I should plug it... Chas and I are selling some of our art... I'm selling stuff from my store that's been signed and numbered, as well as signed copies of my book.Chas will be selling some of his sculptures as well as some Feri-related art. All of this I'm doing through eBay. If you want to check out my eBay Store go HERE.

In other news we've been busy planting flowers and plants in the back... it's going to be even more beautiful this year. The fruit trees we planted last year are blooming and looking wonderful. The willow is alive with green, and the brugmansias are big and strong. The yellow one is already blooming... I just bought some other colors and am going to plant them in a raised flowerbed we made. Until three days ago we called it 'the pit', but with the addition of soil and flowers - presto!- a garden feature. ;) We're also trying to build a waterfall into our pond... Chas has done some pretty good things with it so far... I can't wait to have it all cleaned up so I can go outside on a summer night and sip marguaritas! Yum! This is the life! ;)

Pantheacon and Life in General

Pantheacon was so much fun for Chas and I. This was our first time, and I was a bit nervous since I was participating in a panel, as well as selling some of our art.

I am happy to say that the panel went wonderfully, give or take a few technical glitches. I was happy to be there in the presence of so many talented Feri people. It really gave me a good dose of feeling good about my tribe. I really needed that. Thorn Coyle treated us to her singing talents, along with Sharon Knight... Michelle Jackson talked about tarot and passed around her beautiful deck. Anaar, talked about art as possession. I chimed in with some stuff about fear and art. Great questions were asked. We talked a lot about our individual processes. It was over before we knew it. I even sold a few pieces, which was nice. I had a great time and I hope to be back next year.


Meanwhile we are still in the process of setting up a business. We couldn't open a business account right away 'cause we haven't received our business license in the mail yet. Apparently you used to just be able to bring in your proof of business name, but since the Patriot Act that is no longer the case. It's not that I disagree with it... it's just that it's sort of creepy that I have now been personally affected by the Patriot Act. Spooky.

But here's the part that sucks... We also have to wait until the state certifies our general partnership. It sucks because if Chas and I were married then they wouldn't need that step, and it of course costs money. There's a lot tied into that whole marriage thing that most people don't even think about.

Speaking of gay marriage, can I just say: wow. Chas and I are wanting to go and get in line, but we can't really bring Patt with us... I guess we'll just wait and see how this all plays out... The cause is certainly not lacking for numbers, it would seem. Yay!

Taking a stand

OK... I'm angry. I'll admit that. And disgusted. I'll admit that too. At whom, you might ask? Pretty much at most of the vocal members of what some have called "the online Feri-initiate's community".

I'm sure most of you know what I am talking about. Silence... Denial... Sexual abuse... Coercion... just to name a few of the juicy issues facing us right now.

Since the discussion has died down on the other lists, I have continued to receive communications from former and current students of one of the most prominent priests in our tradition. The stories have all been strikingly similar. He came onto them as a part of their training, in some cases encouraging them to leave their partners stating that monogamy is not a part of the tradition. This sort of behavior has gone on behind the scenes for more than 20 years now. Whenever individuals have come forward with their stories or accusations, it has been quietly (or not so quietly) swept under the rug. Reasons for this vary. Fear of being attacked. Denial that it is really happening. Perhaps even complacency. One thing is certain: most who have not had this priest do this to THEM are not interested in doing anything about it and in many cases have urged me to keep quiet. In one case I was told specifically that I needed to "keep this in the family". Sounds like cult behavior to me...

I have been contacted by initiates who left the community long ago... and by those who are still around. I have been contacted by students, both his and others, who are concerned. Not only that he is still doing this, but that the community that has known for so long about it has largely done nothing to stop it. The latest argument is that Feri isn't really a community and so I can't really blame them for not doing anything.

What???

Here's what American Heritage Dictionary has to say:

Community:"A group of people having common interests." Such as the scientific community. Or perhaps a religious community?

So clearly Feri qualifies as a community. It's just not a healthy one. Community doesn't mean that we all get along and try to agree and have picnics together... what it does mean is that we are bound together by something... in this case by our Oaths, by our Gods, our history, and by the practices that we share. After that... all bets are off.

Meanwhile... I'm being told that I shouldn't expect that the community will ever do anything about it. I'm told that the best way to deal with it is to whisper behind his back and not confront him. All the while he is still there causing pain and fear.

I am told that in a community not everyone gets along, and that I need to accept that. THAT's the big advice that this religious community has to offer? That's the best they've got? Is that supposed to be enough? People are being sexually abused, manipulated, fucked-with... and *I'm* supposed to just sit back and accept that?

Umm... no.

This is not about not liking someone. This is not about theological differences. This is not even about politics. Don't get me wrong... all of those things are part of the mix, but the fact that he is coercing some of his students into sex trumps all of that. I have been told that my work... my art, my writing, my website... has attracted people to the Feri tradition. Now I am starting to feel that maybe that isn't such a good thing. Don't get me wrong... the *tradition* is a wonderful thing. I love these Gods and these practices... they are sound and they are powerful. So just how did the community get so fucked-up???

Some members of the community are mad that I have chosen to "slap" the community, saying that *they* are not part of the problem, and that they resent being implicated by my remarks. Um... actually they *are* part of the problem. A big part. EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has known that he has been doing this but has chosen to remain silent (and yet also participate in the larger community in our shared spaces) is fulfilling the role of enabler. Good hearts and intentions aside, this is a reality of the situation. This is the karma that is generated. They, by their continued silence, are allowing the abuse to continue. That too must stop. While the community continues to debate and make empty suggestions about praying for peace or for healing, more and more people are being subjected to his abuse. Some of those who have been hurt have come forward. How many more will it take for them to listen?

Immediately there are those who will feel that I am blaming them for my problem. Except that it is not just my problem. In fact this predates my attendance in the Feri tradition by about 10 years. It's bothersome to me that this wasn't solved before I ever even found a Feri teacher. But beyond my involvement in this recent incarnation of this ongoing scandal, this is everyone's problem. As long as we have members of our community who are preying on others, it is our duty to stand against it. We are all responsible for this. All of us.

Let us look inside and face our own fears. I have had to do a lot of that recently. My biggest fear, it seems, was that if I came forward with this that no one would like me anymore. Now it seems kind of silly, but there ya go. I know that there are several people out there who have stopped just short of taking a stand because they too are afraid. Well, I understand that. Fear can paralyze us into taking the very inaction that will eventually destroy us. It is a cruel master.

But it is also a red flag, drawing our attention to that which is dangerous. "Where there is fear there is power", the saying goes. And Feri is both. Powerful, and dangerous. The perfect combination for something that is important.

So I ask that everyone look inside and find their fear and their power, for we will need both to guide us. Our fear will tell us when we are getting close to our power. If we are able then to act despite our fear (the true meaning of courage) then we will have found our true strength. Then our power can enable us to act in the face of our fear. When we wait for our fears to dissolve before we act, then chances are that we will not.

It occurs to me that, in part, this is also a gay issue. The vast majority of the recipients of this abuse (though not all) have been young gay men. I was told by one (straight female) initiate that my own experience with him amounted to a 'gay sex weekend gone wrong'. Aside from being completely inaccurate, it seems to hint at something deeper: that because we are all gay men, that somehow that means that we were automatically cruising for sex when we agreed to meet and study with him. Some women seem to think that because this type of thing happens to women all the time that we shouldn't be whining about it. There is a double standard here. Most often when a man perpetuates this type of behavior on a woman then we all react with concern for her and a conviction that 'no means no'. In this case I was met with 'you should have known better', and 'it was your own fault'. I'm surprised no one asked me what I was wearing at the time. ("Tight jeans? You were asking for it.")

I hold no ill will towards any of his students. I know that has been a concern for some. I have been contacted by some who have pleaded with me to not allow their association with him color my opinion of them. Let me be very clear: I do not feel that it is appropriate to blame the students for the actions of the teacher. But neither can I condone doing anything to support this man. That includes giving him money, attending his workshops, even allowing him into larger spaces where Feries gather. EVERYONE who supports him is allowing the problem to continue. That's simply a fact. I hold no ill will towards those who are his students because I see that they have little alternative. The initiates, however, do not have the same slack. No one can claim ignorance anymore. Now there is only denial that clouds the issue.

There are initiates who participate in the larger community who have spoken up about this, and I applaud them. There have been many in private, and even a few in public. Most notably Anaar, who was named Grandmaster by Cora Anderson this past summer. She has issued a public statement on this issue. You can read it on FeriTradition.org.

Because of all of this I have removed myself from those Feri spaces where he is allowed attendance. I encourage everyone to boycott his classes and to not tolerate the blatant double standard that the much of the online Feri community perpetuates when it comes to him. In a warrior tradition I expected better. It's a shame... with such beautiful tools and powers one would think that more would have been able to confront their own fears and make a stand. Just know: this is not over. This issue will not be swept under the carpet. Not any more.

Pantheacon

I've been crazy busy. We've been getting ready for Pantheacon lately. Chas and I will be selling some of our art there, and I will also be participating in a discussion panel. Entitled "The White Wand: The Artist in Feri". Along with Anaar, Thorn Coyle, Michelle Jackson, and Sharon Knight, we will discuss the relationship of our creativity and our practice of Feri tradition Witchcraft. For more information, check my online schedule.

I will have signed copies of my book for sale as well. This will be my first Pantheacon experience so I am looking forward to it!

Not out of the woods yet...

Well... we just found out yesterday that Patt's sore leg is the result of an extensive and life threatening blood-clot. We had to take her from her doctor's appointment right over to the emergency room so that they could evaulate her. Normally they give blood thinners for that, but becasue of her brain condition they didn't want to to that... so they opted to perform a surgery to place a filter in the vein to prevent it from migrating up and into her lungs... although they found that it had already begun doing exactly that and that part of it was already there. It must have just happened because she didn't have any pain in her chest until after we got to the emergency room! Because of the extensiveness they finally decided to go ahead with both the thinners and the surgery. I'm sittiing at home right now waiting to hear back... they performed the surgery earlier and I have no clue how it went. They said it would only take a half an hour, but you know how that goes...

Healing prayers and energy is requested...

A New Year...

Well, my husband Chas and myself have been caring for his ailing mother. I quit my job of 9 years back in April so that someone could stay home with her, as she could only afford to pay someone for a short time before having to sell everything she's ever owned just for the privilage of having someone she doesn't know care for her basic needs. As time has gone on, we have realized that she's probably not going to get any better... her 6 brain surgeries that she endured last year have left her confused and physically incapable. We have also realized that it really takes two people to care for her... one to do the work, and one 'just in case'. Walking is major trouble for her and she has fallen before... One person assisting her can pretty much only slow the fall... once she's on the ground it takes two people to get her back up. One day I had to call Chas to come home early so that he could help me lift her. It's a 45 minute drive, so I just had to sit with her and make her comfortable until he arrived. It's not something that any of us wish to go through again.

In other news, Chas' work has been really bad for him. He works for a large health food store chain, and as the economy has been getting worse, so have the treatment of the employees. I suppose that's par for the course, but we really expected more out of them with all of their talk about caring for their employees. Chas has had to take time off of work in order to deal with his mom's afairs... between the surgeries, the follow-up visits, the moving details, the banking, etc... and his work is not too pleased. But what can we do about it?

Chas and I have decided that it is perhaps time to live one of our dreams. We have always wanted to start our own business, selling our art. So, towards that end, he is taking a leave of absence from his work in a little over a week, and we are going to start the process of setting-up a home business. It's scary, but oh so time. I am hoping that between his art and my own, that we can make enough to pay the bills. I'm just begining to see *some* activity in my online store, and so I am encouraged that after awhile it may catch on. Chas does sculptures in various themes, and has been experimenting with making molds so that he can produce product on a larger scale. We have had some success selling his work on eBay before.

The name that we have chosen is "Carnivalia" to reflect the celebratory theme that runs through a lot of our shared work. I just purchased the domain name and am looking forward to having another web-project to keep me busy. ;)

UPDATE: Check out his website at Carnivalia.com.

I'm very excited that we are taking this next step. Hopfully it will prove a healthy thing for us.

So... please keep us in your prayers and thoughts. We could use some encouraging energy right about now as we jump into the Void...

Look out below!